The Beginning

I guess I'll start at the very beginning...I was raised in a wonderful, Christian home. My parents taught me, along with my two sisters (Danae & Candace), to love God and that through His Son Jesus I could have the path to Salvation (Eternal Life). We went to church regularly and were taught about the Bible just like all the rest of our family and friends. Life was essentially status quo for the most part.

Around the age of 12, I remember my Grandfather's death...I will never forget that day when my parents called me at school and said that he had died. My neighbour lady came to pick me up and take me home so that I could finish baking buns for my mom while they went to be with the family. And although this sounds like a crazy situation (that my mom was so worried about those silly buns getting done) I spent that afternoon wondering where I would go when I died and how I knew that someday I would see my Grandfather again.

Looking back I clearly see that God was at my side over the next few years...I did not have friends that my parents would have considered good examples and yet I never felt pressured or interested in doing the things that they were doing...was this my mom's faithful prayers?

At the age of 16 I was baptized and at the age of 18 I married Cam, the guy I fell in love with as a teenager. The Thanksgiving before I got married my Dad had a terrible accident with a tractor and nearly lost his life. Amazingly enough he survived and was able to walk me down the aisle the following June (1996). Again, I knew that God was working in the midst of our lives.

The month after I got married my Mom got sick and needed surgery...soon after she got worse and they needed to repeat the surgery...I remember being very newly married and living in the City and having to visit my mom in the hospital when I should have been able to spend time with her learning to be a wife. She then fell into a severe depression and spent the next year (or two) working to get better. I felt like I was letting her down...I was busy in my new life and my sisters at home were the ones to help her through this...this was difficult for me because I felt disconnected from my family...I couldn't be there for my mom the way my sisters could and I felt far away from them. At this point I still believed that God was there and that I could count on Him but that was as far as my relationship went.

In 1999 we decided Cam would go back to school and it fell on my shoulders to provide an income for us...I didn't resent this, it was just how it was. In 2000 we decided we would try to start our family...this however took longer than we anticipated and was a difficult time. I couldn't understand what was wrong and the longer it took the worse it felt...especially when our friends started to have children and we were still having trouble. Finally we found out we were going to have our baby. Cam has since told me that one particular night when I was having a really hard time he wrapped his arms around me as I slept and prayed over me asking God to give us a child. Soon after that I found out I was expecting. What an answer to prayer! In June 2001 we had our first child...our son, Micah...and our first big miracle! That feeling when they put him into my arms after a hard delivery is something I will never ever forget. I felt God all around us in that hospital room as we got to know our little baby. Cam had just finished school for the summer (with a work experience semester to begin in fall) so we had time to ourselves to adjust to our new life.

Two years later we had our daughter, Chenoa. Again, the feeling of holding that new life in my arms was unexplainable. I delivered her in the comfort of our home and the experience was amazing.

In the fall of 2004 we bought a different house just down the street...little did we know that we were expecting our 3rd child. I have no idea what prompted us to move, but after moving in and a month later finding out that we would have a third child, I know that God was providing us with a more suitable house (our other house only had 2 bedrooms).

In March of 2005 I finally convinced Cam to go see a doctor...he didn't seem himself and seemed to be struggling with depression...sure enough after seeing the Dr. he was diagnosed with depression and put on medication...this was something we thought would fix itself with a little medication. After several different medications and lots of Dr's appointments, Cam was referred to a psychologist who could prescribe stronger medications. Again we dealt with several changes to medication and lots of appointments. In the meantime, we had our 2nd Son, Caleb in July of 2005. And this seemed to boost all our spirits for a time...until October. Cam was going to his appointment with his psychologist and I was busy with the kids at home when I got a call from him at the hospital telling me that I needed to come there. The hospital was not going to let him leave. They felt that he may be a suicide risk...WOW!!! WHAT A SHOCK!!! I had never suspected this nor had Cam ever shared anything about this. I am so glad that he had Dr's in place who could recognize the signs and help to prevent this from happening. I had never needed God more than I did at that moment. There I was a mother of three children (4 and under) and a severely depressed husband in the hospital. You have no idea how much having family close to me helped me through this time...I look back and wonder what I would have done had they not been there and I think I would have collapsed.

I spent the next two weeks surviving...trying to take care of my children (Caleb being only 2 1/2 months old - still trying to adjust to sleeping, feeding, etc.) and driving daily to the hospital to try to support my husband. Cam spent those two weeks adjusting to some even stronger medications (now the Dr's were really serious) and trying to be functional. At Thanksgiving they gave him a pass for the weekend and I spent that Thanksgiving thanking God that my husband was beside me.

The next several months were a challenge as Cam was off work on disability. Money was an issue but God always provided. God also gave me a lot of patience and strength to deal with the four other people living in the house and I know that if it weren't for his arms around me I could not have survived. Things have since been very up and down in our lives...at times I didn't know what our day was going to be like until it had started...I could count on nothing except the hope that I had for tomorrow. You know the saying "Tomorrow's Another Day" from Gone With The Wind...well...that was my motto. I had to keep going on. At times I felt on the verge of collapse and that I could not make it through another horrible day...but somehow I did. Looking back I realize that at those times God was definitely carrying me. What makes this even more amazing was that I wasn't carrying my end of the relationship...I knew that He was there and when it really got tough I would ask for His help but outside of that I didn't have the time. He still loved me and carried me when I most needed Him. I realized that I needed (and wanted) to have more than a working relationship with my God...but I didn't know where to begin.

I was reading "The Purpose Driven Life" and something in it hit home. The author of this book said that "many who claim to believe the Bible 'from cover to cover' have never read it from cover to cover." I decided right then to make this happen. So 2007 brought me this challenge: to read the entire Bible. I felt this was probably not enough but it would be a start. In the spring of 2007 a friend asked if I would lead a small bible study group and I said that I would. We started with "The Purpose Driven Life" and I started discovering a new faith for myself...not just the one my parents had passed on. Some things remained the same but others I needed to claim for myself. In fall we started a new bible study by Beth Moore: "Believing God". Again, I have been extremely challenged by this woman and know that I have a long way to go to have the relationship I want with my Father. But...I am on the journey. I thank God for the women that He has placed in my life who can share this journey with me. Life now is not perfect (not even close)...in fact at times I feel like I have so much to work on in my life that I am completely defeated. But I will keep on keeping on...knowing that "Tomorrow is another day." I hope that I can one day reach heaven and meet my Lord face to face and say that I have "run the race"...not walked or sauntered but actually RUN this race and done my very best to win!



"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily hinders our progress. And let us run with endurance the race that God has set before us. We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, on whom our faith depends from start to finish. He was willing to die a shameful death on the cross because of the joy he knew would be his afterward. Now he is seated in the place of highest honor beside God's throne in heaven. Think about all he endured when sinful people did such terrible things to him, so that you don't become weary and give up."
Hebrews 12:1-4

"Don’t you realize that in a race everyone runs, but only one person gets the prize? So run to win! All athletes are disciplined in their training. They do it to win a prize that will fade away, but we do it for an eternal prize."
1 Corinthians 9:24-25